Funny SMS - Page 7

Marriage is a three ring circus:
An engagement ring,
A wedding ring,
And suffering

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest. BOY: Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple

Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE?
Answer: On their MARRIAGE.

Hey friend, remember that without stupidity
There can be no wisdom and
Without ugliness there can be no beauty.
So the world needs YOU after all!

This sms can only be read by someone SMART,
Try again,
Again,
Maybe you are..
Just not smart??
One more time.
Hey don’t force it ugly!!!

Husband asks, do you know the meaning of WIFE. It means… Without Information Fighting Everytime! WIFE says No, it means – With Idiot For Ever

Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.

Girlfriend to Boyfriend: The time has come when we should get married.
Boyfriend: That’s OK, but who will marry us?

What do I do when I see someone extremely Gorgeous, Attractive, Terrific, Cute, Fabulous…. I Stare, I smile, And, when I get tired….. I put down the mirror !

Patient:iam feeling dizzy for one hour after waking up
Doctor:then get up one hour later than the usual time you get up..

Friedship is just like wine..as it gets older it gets sweter..just like you and me..you are getting older and i am getting sweeter.

So sweet is ur SMILE….. So sweet is ur STYLE….. So sweet is ur VOICE….. So sweet is ur EYE……. See how sweetly I LIE!!

Teacher to student: which book has helped u most in u r life?
Student: my father’s checkbook

Doctor- i have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient- give me the bad news first.
Doctor- the lab called with your test results. U have 24 hours to live.
Patient.- that’s terrible! What could b more worse than this?
Doctor- i have been trying to reach u since yesterday!

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
Upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny
That goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds!’ I gifted her
A weighing scale

Baby Mosquito
came back after its
1st time flying.
His dad asked him,
“How do you Feel.?”
He replied, “It was Wonderful, Everyone
was Clapping For Me.!”

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, You know, I was a fool when I married you. She replied, Yes, dear I know, but I was in love and didn’t notice.

Why are American names like Jackson, Wilson, Markson, Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davison, Jemson?
So that mom can remember who is whose son.

Newly married couple went to a restuarant.
Husband: Darling, now we r just like one person.
Wife: It’s ok. But don’t forget to order lunch for two.

INTERVIEWER: Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?
JOB APPLICANT: Simple, stop imagining.

A woman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her. Hi, honey, he says. Want a little company? Why? Asks the woman. Do you have one to sell?

Soldier – Sir we are surrounded by enemies from all the directions. major- excellent! now we can fire in any directions.

Q: What kind of food does a race horse eat? A: Fast food

You must be a good runner because you are always running in my mind, you must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart, and i am always a bad shooter because I Miss You Always…

Shopkeeper: sir, Do u want a POCKET CALCULATOR?
.
Customer: No thanks. I know how many pockets i have..!

If I could rearrange the alphabet,
I’d put U and I together

Heartbeats are countless …. Spirits are ageless …. Dreams are endless….. Memories are timeless…. A friend like you ……. Shameless!!!

I’d love to take u out 4 dinner, make u sit beside the candle light, shower u with roses and utter those 3 magical words in ur ear “PAY THE BILL

Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME & nuts like U

Father: Doctor! My son swallowed a key!
Doctor: When?
Father: Three months ago
Dr: What were you doing till now?
Father: We were using a duplicate key
Dr: So why did you come today?
Father: We lost the duplicate key!

Roses are red, violets are blue,
I was born beautiful,
But what the hell happened to you?

Based on Newton’s 1st Law: Law of love – Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, it can only be changed from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.

Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

Husband 1: Why do u take your wife only to night clubs? Husband 2: Buddy, by the time she gets ready, no other place is open!

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don’t care, me don’t cry, me just happy a cow can’t fly!

Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? A: Knock on the door.

Doctor : A person who cures the ills by pills,
And kills by his bills.

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That’s why I say that she’s no good

In the Year 2050,
Father Angrily to
His Kid – “I Told you
a Hundred Times,
You Were Only BORN,
Not DOWNLOADED.”

Why does a Blonde
keep empty beer bottles
in her fridge?
They are for
those who don’t drink…..

Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now…
Sorry I am leaving now, I can’t find a brain

A successful man is one who makes more money
Than his wife can spend.

Last night was my fault, my wife asked, what’s on the TV? And ….. I said, dust!

Teacher: ‘Hello Boys, Remember.. Nothing is impossible’
One Student: ‘Ok sir, U please take out all the toothpaste & put it back in the tube again’

Q: What’s the definition of irreconcilable differences?
A: When she’s melting down her wedding ring to cast it into a bullet.

Of loving beauty
you float with grace
If only you
could hide your face

When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God
That everyone should have a friend like you….
Why should only I suffer!

This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

A girl phoned me the other day and said…”Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.