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Funny Punjabi Sms

2 sardaran nu 2 bomb mile,
1st Sardar: chal police nu de ke aande han.
2 sardar: j koi bomb raste ch phat gya te?
1st sardar: jhooth bol dwange ki 1 hi milya c

The ultimate key to relieve oneself
of all tensions has been discovered
by the Punjabis..
It is called
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SAANU KEY..

Teacher 2 Shunty:-Pandvon ke naam batao,
Shunty:- ik BHIM c, ik oda vada bhra c, ik nikka bhra c, ik hor c,
te akhir wale da mainu naam bhul gya

Kudiyan Vich Koi Sassi Labhda,
Koi Labhda Heer
Assi Ta Yaaro Sahiba Labhni,
Te Kuttne Ohde Veer.

Husband: Raat nu main ek movie vekhi
Ek chudail kadi mere agge kadi mere piche.
Wife: Kehdi movie vekhi?
Husband: Apne viyah di …

Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu
keha si, Likh ke kyu nahi liyanda ? :smt013
Student: Ki karda masterr g,
jidan he mein kutte te Pen rakhia oh paj geya! ! !

Wife: Suno doctor ne muje ek maheena aaram ke liye Switzerland ya Paris jaane ko kaha hai.
Hum kahan jaayenge?
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Husband: Doosre doctor ke pass.

5+5 kine hunde ne?
?
?
?
?
?
?
is da Jwab v Message wich labh riha hai?
Nalayk school ch ki karan gya si.

Jab se Apko dekha hai.
Mera
Raat ko
Din ko
Subah ko
Sham ko
hass hass ke bura hal ho gaya hai.,..oh Rabba a ki bhej dita duniya te..

“Laziness is our biggest enemy” – Jawahar Lal Nehru.
“We should love our enemy.” – Mahatama Gandhi.
Dasso hun bapu di manniye ya chache di..??

Ladki : me tere lyi sab kuch chad sakdi haan,
Ladka : maa bap ?
ladki : haan.
ladka : yar dost, bhai behan, khana peena?
ladki : haan.
ladka : serials dekhne?
Ladki : muh sambhal ke gal kar oye .

School Joke
Master Shunty nu: is line nu english wich badlo : “asi aam bande han”.
Shunty: we are mango man.

Chor chaku dikha ke bolya : apne sare paise kad!
Pappu : tu janda hai me kaun haan , me police wala haan!
Chor : Acha fer mere paise v kad.

Son : papa 10+10 kine hunde ne?
papa : ghade, ullu de pathe, nalayak, tenu kuch nhi aunda ja andron calculator le ke aa.

Son to Pappu : papa aj teacher ne mainu bada marya.
Pappu : Tu jarur koi shararat kiti honi.
Son : Nahi papa , tusi mera vishwas karo,
mai taan chup chap so riha c.

Convent school ke bache zoo me:
Oh!! wow monkey is sleeping don’t distub..
Govt. school ke bache:
OYE OH VEKH TERA Peo SUTA AE..LYA VATTA MARIYE..

Titanic doob riha c,
ik angrej ne shunty nu puchiya etho zameen kini dur h?
Shunty 1 km.
Angrej : kehdi side?
Shunty : niche di side.

Pappu : Kal papa kue wich digg gye, badi sattan lagian, bade chillaa rhe c.
Bunty : hun ki hal hai ?
Pappu : Thik hi hone, raat to kue cho koi awaz nahi ayi.

Pappu : Das chand jruri hai ke Suraj?
Bunty : chand.
Pappu : Q ?
Bunty : chand sanu raat nu channi dinda hai, te suraj din vele…. jado sanu chaidi nahi hundi

Shunty sukhe talab wich boating kar riha c.
Bunty : ise ne sada nam badnam kita hoya h.
je mainu tairna anda taan othe hi ja ke marda sale nu.

Saawan ki raaton mein,bheegi Barsaaton main,Hum Hamesha yahi sochte hain k,
K..
K..
K….
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Raat nu Manja kithe daawange.

Ek waari ek baba bus wich
ek kuri nu jappi pa lenda h..
Kuri kehendi h wat r u doing..?
Baba kehnda h ‘kismat de naal
milda kamliye pyaar buzurga da..’

Preeto : ji je me mount everest te chad javan taan tusi mainu ki daoge?
Pappu : puchan wali kehdi gal hai “dhakaa”

Pappu(taxi driver) : sir 500 rs ho gaye,
Engineer: ena tan me engineer ho ke v nahi kamanda,
Pappu : jado me engineer c me v nahi kamanda c!

Shunty : yar bachapan wich me 10 manjil to kud gya c,
Bunty : fer bach gya c ke mar gyi c?
Shunty : pta nahi yar badi purani gal hai.

History teacher – mughlan ne kado takk raj kita ?
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student – page no 15 to 26 tak.

5 Reasons Why ‘YOU’ are my Friend:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

No Reason.
Bas meri mat maari gai c.

1 budi mar gyi.
ladies ron lgian….bebe kithe gyi,jithe na dup na cha,
na roti na sbzi,na bijli na pani’
Shunty bunty nu “yar dekh budi kite Sade ghr ta ni chli gyi”

If somebody comes n tells u,
That u r fool, lazy & stupid!
Don’t b afraid, go to him,
Catch his neck,
and tell him
“Kisay hor noo naa dasin”

Funny Messages In English

Doctor: Why did you take your antibiotic medicine at 6 AM, when I told you at 9 AM..???
Patient: I wanted to surprise the bacteria by surgical strike.

After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
The husband replied: “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”

Marriage is a 3-ring circus –
engagement ring,
wedding ring and
………
Suffering.

Once a fisherman woke up early in the morning.
It was a bit dark.
He waited a while and found a bag full of stones.
He started throwin dem in the sea for timepass.
Now he had only one stone left.
The sun rose up and he found that those were not stones but diamonds..
Moral of story:
Never wake up early in the morning..

“SIT & STUDY”
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the above stunts are performed by trained professionals under controlled environments.
Plz. DON’T TRY THIS at HOME.

Why are wives “more” dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life…
The wives want both 😀

DEFINITION OF LAZINESS:
Its a talent of taking rest before you get tired because prevention is better than cure. 🙂
Be lazy think crazy!

A rabbit runs, jumps but lives only for 15 yrs!
A turtle doesn’t run, does nothing, yet lives for 150 yrs!
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Moral – EXERCISE IS HELL!
JUST SLEEP WELL!

How do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? …………. …………
………………………
tell you later !!!

Teeth said to Tongue: “If i just press you a little, you’ll get cut…”
Tongue replied: “If I misuse One word against someone, then all 32 of you will come Out..!!”;-)

God thought that since he couldn’t be everywhere he made a mother.
Then devil thought that he couldn’t be everywhere he made a mother-in-law.

What happens when a lion roars thrice?





Think





Any guess?





Ok i will tell you..





Tom & jerry cartoon begins!

Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

Interviewer: Imagine that u r in room with all doors & windows closed & it caught fire,
now how can u escape?
Candidate: Very simple, I’ll stop imagining.

Wife: Darling today is our marriage anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Wife: I hate the beggar who came yesterday!
Husband: Why?
Wife: I gave him food yesterday and today he gifted me a book “How to Cook”

What is Talent and what is Intelligence?
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Walking on a tight rope over Niagra Falls is Talent.
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Not trying such a thing is called Intelligence :-p

One day a foreigner asked to an Indian : “Does any big and great people born in your country.”
Indian: No sir only small babies.

Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?
Ans: Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR
& Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR

Always keep your LOVER’S photo in your purse.
When ever you are in big trouble see the photo.
You will feel that No other problem bigger than this…

Girls are like an internet virus:
They enter your life, scan your pockets,
Transfer money, edit your mind,
Download their problems and delete your smile

Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life.

Q: Wat d difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED?
A: When u Marry a right Girl u r Complete & when u Marry a wrong Girl u r Finished.

Two men r talking.
1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry
& wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!

Q. What will happen if Brooke shield marries james bond?
A. She will become BrookE BOND.

GIRLS….
G-> Ghost;
I-> In;
R-> Real;
L-> Life
So Avoid GIRLS!!!

They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love;
after marriage it is self-defense.

There is an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyone is there. Lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but the meeting cant start because the monkey is reading this text.

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10 Funny Sms Of Sports

Why grasshopper not interested in football matches?
They prefer cricket matches.

What kind of tea do soccer players drink?
PenalTEA

Which race has no running?
A swimming race.

Why didn’t Mr. khan’s dog play football?
Because it was a boxer

A woman went to a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
Women: “It`s for my husband.
Shopkeeper: “Did he tell you what type should buy?”
Women: “Are you kidding?”,”He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him today!”

A golfer after hitting a shot asked:
Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving day by day?”
Caddy: “Yes sir, you missed the ball much closer this time, getting closer day by day.”

Which animal is the best hitter of baseball?
The bat.

Why couldn’t Usain Bolt listen to any of the music?
“Because he always breaks the record.”

How did the football ground end up in a triangle?
Somebody took a corner!

What is common between a cricketer and a magician?
Both do hattricks!

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10 One Liners Funny Sms

My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of the way much faster recently.

If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

“Mom, can I play with grandpa?”

“No, you just leave him hanging until the police comes.”

What is agony?

You are a one-armed man hanging off a cliff. Suddenly your butt starts to itch.

Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have!

I had to quit my job at the helium plant. I couldn’t tolerate it anymore that people speak to me in such a voice.

My wife accused for being a transvestite

So I packed up her things and left.

It’s cleaning day today. I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.

Why I don’t trust joggers? Well, they are usually the ones to find the dead bodies.

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Funny One Liners Text Sms

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.

Do you know this joke where all the idiots say no?
[NO]

Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?

I just met a great looking blonde girl with long legs. She’s babysitter. Does anybody know where I can quickly get a child from today?

A woman complains to her mother, “I had this big fight with my husband Joe and at the end he just told me to go to hell.”

Mother frowns, “Oh, and so you came to me, huh?”

“Why do you look so sad?”

“I wanted to drown my worries but my wife didn’t want to go in the water.”

I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in common.

So girls, I like to breath.

Do not go to the bathroom in a dream. It’s a trap!

I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at McDonalds.

You really are the most jealous woman I know.

Oh, so you know lots of other women, do you?!

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