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Husband and Wife SMS

Husband and Wife SMS

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelery and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!

A recently fired
stock trader said …
“This is worse than divorce…
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife…”

Judge: why did u shoot Ur wife
instead of shooting her lover?
Man: Your honor,
it’s easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.

Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A – One Woman Brings U into this world crying…
&
the other ensures U Continue to do so.

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: “What were you before you married her?”
Millionaire: “A Billionaire”

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

wife: honey, what r u looking 4?
husband: nothing
wife: why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?
husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means…
Without Information, Fighting Every time!
WIFE says: No darling , it means :-
With Idiot For Ever

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in Ur hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.

A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Husband Wife Funny SMS

Husband and wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver and wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

A Wife hit her Husband with a Frying Pan.
Husband:What was THAT for?
Wife:I found a paper in your pocket, with the name Jenny on it.
Husband:I played RACE last week and Jenny was the name of my HORSE.
Wife:Sorry!
Next day the Wife hit him with the Frying Pan AGAIN!
Husband:Why?
Wife:Your Horse PHONED!

wife : Look A Thief Has Entered Our Kitchen

N He Is Eating D Cake Prepared By Me

Husband: Whom should I Call

Now Police Or Ambulance..

Wife to doc: Doc, I think my husband has a fearful disease.I talk to him for hours and he doesn’t hear a word I say.
Doc:That’s not a disease, its a gift!

Husband:I’ll admit I’m wrong if you’ll admit I’m right!
Wife:I agree! u go first!
Husband:OK,I’m wrong!
Wife(with a twinkle in her eye):you are right!

Wife going to USA
Wife: Do u want anything from USA?
Husband: Yeah, an English girl
Wife returns from USA
Husband: where’s my gift?
Wife: wait for 9 months

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no

Wife: (expecting a car)
Gift me something which goes from 0 to 100 in 3 seconds when I’m on it.
Husband: gifted her a weighing machine…. .!

2 Married Men Talking-
10yrs Ago,
Whenever I Returned Home,
My Dog Used To Greet Me By Barking & My Wife By Kissing.
Now They Both Exactly Do The Opposite

Man On His Death Bed Confesses 2 His Wife-I Had An Affair With Ur Sister, Ur Best Friend & The Maid.
Wife : I Know Darling. Now Relax & Let The Poison Work! ..;-)

Wife: If I removed the cook & make the food myself 4 a month,what will u pay me?
Husband: I don’t have 2 pay u, u will get my entire insurance amount.;-)

Women live a better,
longer & peaceful life.. !!
Why?
Very simple…..
A woman does not have a wife !!!!

A Sad girl was sitting with her husband
Husband: U r d second most beautiful girl, I’ve ever seen.
Girl: Who’s the first?
Husband: It’s YOU When u smile.

Husband Wife Online SMS

Man 2 pretty girl in market:
I lost my wife here, can U talk to me for a while?
Girl: Why?
Man: B’Coz whenever I talk to any Girl, my Wife appears out of nowhere!;-)

Love Is The Thing That …
Enables A Woman To Sing
While She Mops Up The Floor
After
Her Husband Has Walked Across It
In His Barn Boots … =P ;->

Wife: Wherever We Keep D Money,
Our Son Steals It.
I Don’t Know What To Do About It
Hus: Keep It In His ENGINEERING Books.
He’ll Never Touch!

Oneliner:
+ When I Met My Wife
I Knew She Was ‘Miss Right.!’
I Didn’t Know That Her
First Name Was
‘Always’ 🙂

What Is The Next Thing
A Man Should Do After
Winning An
Argument With His Wife ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Apologize !!!;)

Husband & wife were reading books in public library.
Wife stood up go 2 the librarian, and said: Can i go out to photo state some pages of this book.
Librarian:yes!of course,but plz give me ur i.d or 500 Rs. 4 guarantee,
Wife: whats the need 4 it, my husband is there reading book, while i come,
Librarian: that’s right,but we want that reader should leave his/her such thing 4 that he come back compulsory.

Wife- Beggar Who Came Yesterday Is Very Bad
Husband- Ya ?
Wife- I Gave Him Food Yesterday & Today He Gifted Me A Book How To Cook?

Every Lady Hopes That Her Daughter Will Marry A Better Man Than She Did & Is Convinced That Her Son Will Never Find A Wife As Good As His Father Did !!!!

Man : My wife is too good. She can talk on any subject for hours.
Friend : Ahh!!! my wife is better, she does not even need a subject to talk about!

Wife: ?I Think Our Daughter is in Love with Someone?
Husband:
?How Do U Know??
Wife:
?B’coz She ?s Not Asking For Pocket Money?

70 year old man asked his wife.
Do you feel sad when u see me running behind young girls?
Wife: No not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can?t drive it.

Husband Wife Text SMS

HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can’t move further
Moral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE….

Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jump In Fast…………………………….

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, “Yes dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice”.

I m feeling happy, do u know why?
B’coz I am so lucky, do u know how?
B’coz God loves me, do u know how?
B’coz he gave me a gift, do u know what?
Its YOU my love.

Women Marry Men Hoping They Will Change,
Men Marry Women Hoping They Will Not.
Unfortunately It Happens in Contrast &
Ultimately Both of Them Gets Disappointed.

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me

I have liked many, but loved few.
Still, no-one has been as sweet as u.
I’d stand and wait in world’s longest queue.
For the pleasure of having a moment with u.

The Husband is the Head of the Family,
But
Wife is the Neck of the Family,
which
can turn the head any where she wants 😉

HuSbaNd n wIfE wEnt 2 pIcNiC,
At pIcNiC sPoT hUsBaNd lOstEd hEr wIfE.
.
.
.

MORAL:
LUCK BY CHANCE.
b¡:=P;->

On 20th Anniversary husband deep in thought..
Wife: What r u thinking?
Husband: Do u remember when ur dad caught us dating?
Wife’s heart melts, thinks its sweet of him 2 still remember that date
Husband: He pointed his gun at me & said either marry my daughter or go 2 jail for 20 years.
Wife smiles ”Yes”
Husband sighs n says: Ahh!
i would’ve been free today!

Position of a Husband
Is just like a Split AC…
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor,
He is designed to remain Silent in Indoor.

Man 1- I Notice that Ur Wife Is Mostly In The Kitchen
Probably She Loves Cooking Many Varieties
Man 2- No! Actually Our Telephone Connection Is In The Kitchen ;->

A fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl on their husband’s coat from 20 meters away, but they can’t see a pillar from two meters while parking a car..

A couple were arguing.
Wife: You don’t like anybody in my family.
Husband: Not true, I like your mother-in-law better than my mother-in-law!