Husband and Wife SMS - Page 2

Husband and wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver and wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

A Wife hit her Husband with a Frying Pan.
Husband:What was THAT for?
Wife:I found a paper in your pocket, with the name Jenny on it.
Husband:I played RACE last week and Jenny was the name of my HORSE.
Wife:Sorry!
Next day the Wife hit him with the Frying Pan AGAIN!
Husband:Why?
Wife:Your Horse PHONED!

wife : Look A Thief Has Entered Our Kitchen

N He Is Eating D Cake Prepared By Me

Husband: Whom should I Call

Now Police Or Ambulance..

Wife to doc: Doc, I think my husband has a fearful disease.I talk to him for hours and he doesn’t hear a word I say.
Doc:That’s not a disease, its a gift!

Husband:I’ll admit I’m wrong if you’ll admit I’m right!
Wife:I agree! u go first!
Husband:OK,I’m wrong!
Wife(with a twinkle in her eye):you are right!

Wife going to USA
Wife: Do u want anything from USA?
Husband: Yeah, an English girl
Wife returns from USA
Husband: where’s my gift?
Wife: wait for 9 months

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no

Wife: (expecting a car)
Gift me something which goes from 0 to 100 in 3 seconds when I’m on it.
Husband: gifted her a weighing machine…. .!

2 Married Men Talking-
10yrs Ago,
Whenever I Returned Home,
My Dog Used To Greet Me By Barking & My Wife By Kissing.
Now They Both Exactly Do The Opposite

Man On His Death Bed Confesses 2 His Wife-I Had An Affair With Ur Sister, Ur Best Friend & The Maid.
Wife : I Know Darling. Now Relax & Let The Poison Work! ..;-)

Wife: If I removed the cook & make the food myself 4 a month,what will u pay me?
Husband: I don’t have 2 pay u, u will get my entire insurance amount.;-)

Women live a better,
longer & peaceful life.. !!
Why?
Very simple…..
A woman does not have a wife !!!!

A Sad girl was sitting with her husband
Husband: U r d second most beautiful girl, I’ve ever seen.
Girl: Who’s the first?
Husband: It’s YOU When u smile.

Man 2 pretty girl in market:
I lost my wife here, can U talk to me for a while?
Girl: Why?
Man: B’Coz whenever I talk to any Girl, my Wife appears out of nowhere!;-)

Love Is The Thing That …
Enables A Woman To Sing
While She Mops Up The Floor
After
Her Husband Has Walked Across It
In His Barn Boots … =P ;->

Wife: Wherever We Keep D Money,
Our Son Steals It.
I Don’t Know What To Do About It
Hus: Keep It In His ENGINEERING Books.
He’ll Never Touch!

Oneliner:
+ When I Met My Wife
I Knew She Was ‘Miss Right.!’
I Didn’t Know That Her
First Name Was
‘Always’ 🙂

What Is The Next Thing
A Man Should Do After
Winning An
Argument With His Wife ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Apologize !!!;)

Husband & wife were reading books in public library.
Wife stood up go 2 the librarian, and said: Can i go out to photo state some pages of this book.
Librarian:yes!of course,but plz give me ur i.d or 500 Rs. 4 guarantee,
Wife: whats the need 4 it, my husband is there reading book, while i come,
Librarian: that’s right,but we want that reader should leave his/her such thing 4 that he come back compulsory.

Wife- Beggar Who Came Yesterday Is Very Bad
Husband- Ya ?
Wife- I Gave Him Food Yesterday & Today He Gifted Me A Book How To Cook?

Every Lady Hopes That Her Daughter Will Marry A Better Man Than She Did & Is Convinced That Her Son Will Never Find A Wife As Good As His Father Did !!!!

Man : My wife is too good. She can talk on any subject for hours.
Friend : Ahh!!! my wife is better, she does not even need a subject to talk about!

Wife: ?I Think Our Daughter is in Love with Someone?
Husband:
?How Do U Know??
Wife:
?B’coz She ?s Not Asking For Pocket Money?

70 year old man asked his wife.
Do you feel sad when u see me running behind young girls?
Wife: No not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can?t drive it.

HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can’t move further
Moral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE….

Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jump In Fast…………………………….

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, “Yes dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice”.

I m feeling happy, do u know why?
B’coz I am so lucky, do u know how?
B’coz God loves me, do u know how?
B’coz he gave me a gift, do u know what?
Its YOU my love.

Women Marry Men Hoping They Will Change,
Men Marry Women Hoping They Will Not.
Unfortunately It Happens in Contrast &
Ultimately Both of Them Gets Disappointed.

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me

I have liked many, but loved few.
Still, no-one has been as sweet as u.
I’d stand and wait in world’s longest queue.
For the pleasure of having a moment with u.

The Husband is the Head of the Family,
But
Wife is the Neck of the Family,
which
can turn the head any where she wants 😉

HuSbaNd n wIfE wEnt 2 pIcNiC,
At pIcNiC sPoT hUsBaNd lOstEd hEr wIfE.
.
.
.

MORAL:
LUCK BY CHANCE.
b¡:=P;->

On 20th Anniversary husband deep in thought..
Wife: What r u thinking?
Husband: Do u remember when ur dad caught us dating?
Wife’s heart melts, thinks its sweet of him 2 still remember that date
Husband: He pointed his gun at me & said either marry my daughter or go 2 jail for 20 years.
Wife smiles ”Yes”
Husband sighs n says: Ahh!
i would’ve been free today!

Position of a Husband
Is just like a Split AC…
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor,
He is designed to remain Silent in Indoor.

Man 1- I Notice that Ur Wife Is Mostly In The Kitchen
Probably She Loves Cooking Many Varieties
Man 2- No! Actually Our Telephone Connection Is In The Kitchen ;->

A fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl on their husband’s coat from 20 meters away, but they can’t see a pillar from two meters while parking a car..

A couple were arguing.
Wife: You don’t like anybody in my family.
Husband: Not true, I like your mother-in-law better than my mother-in-law!