Funny SMS - Page 3

Q: What is a distant relative?
A: Someone who is not living with you.

Q: Which is smaller than the ant’s mouth?
A: The ant’s dinner.

Q: How can one cut through sea waves?
A: With the help of a sea-saw [seesaw]

Q: Which is the hottest part of a man’s face?
A: The sideburns [burns]

Q: How can you spell “too much” using just two letters?
A: XS.

Q: When was the beef at its highest price?
A: When the cow jumped over the moon.

Q: Which fish has the lowest voice?
A: The bass.

Q: Which thief is the strongest?
A: The shoplifter.

Q: Which person’s profession involves a lot of shouting?
A: The “I Scream Man” [ice-cream man]

Q: What do you do with old bowling balls?
A: Give it to elephants, so they can play marbles with them.

Q: Which house weighs the least?
A: The lighthouse.

Q: Which fruit has been there since man invented the calendar?
A: Dates.

Q: Which coat has the most sleeves?
A: A coat of arms.

Q: Why do we have to buy clothes?
A: Because they are not available, free.

Q: What did the dentist say to the golfer?
A: It appears that you have a hole in one.

Q: What will you get if you put your hand in a pot?
A: A potted palm, of course.

Q: Where do they send crying children to?
A: To the ballpark, (bawl park).

Q: What has fifty tails and an equal number of heads?
A: Easy, fifty coins [pennies]

Q: How can anyone tell whether they are cross-eyed?
A: When they can see eye-to-eye with themselves.

Q: How did the blind carpenter work?
A: He just picked up his hammer and “saw.”

Q: What happened to the dog that ate the firefly?
A: It barked with “de-light.”

Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: Because, they eat whatever that bugs them.

Q: What is a belt with a watch on it called?
A: A waist of time.

Q: What happens when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: You get frostbite.

Q: Which season do trampolines come out?
A: The “spring” time.

Q: Why was the picture sent to jail?
A: Because it was framed.

Q: Name a profession where the worker earns a living by driving their customers away?
A: Taxi drivers.

Q: What did the first pencil say to the second pencil?
A: You are looking sharp.

Q: Which insect runs away from basically everything?
A: The Flee.

Q: What do you normally call a baby monkey?
A: A “chimp” off the old block.

Q: Who can marry many wives and yet be single?
A: A minster.

Q: What did the big chimney say to the small chimney?
A: That he was too young to smoke.

Q: Which piece of wood lives like a king?
A: The ruler.

Q: Why do firefighters wear red and not blue suspenders?
A: Obviously, to keep their pants up.

Q: What did the muffler tell the car owner?
A: I am exhausted.

Q: What do people who don’t like time on their hands use?
A: A pocket watch.

Q: Where do computers go to dance?
A: To a disc-o.

Q: Why aren’t there any giraffes in the elementary school?
A: Obviously, they are all in the High School.

Q: Which month do soldiers hate the most?
A: March

Q: What did the mason say to the wall?
A: One more crack like that and I will plaster you with cement.

Q: Why do golfers always carry an extra pant?
A: In case, they get a hole in one.

Q: What was the reason for the computer to break up with the internet?
A: There was no “connection.”

Q: Why did the man leave his job at the juice factory?
A: Because, he could not concentrate.

Q: Why did the production line-man put a clock under his desk?
A: To work over-time.

Q: Which key opens doors on Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.

Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Use tomato paste.

Q: What do you call a bear with no socks on?
A: Bear-foot.

Q: What made the baby strawberry cry?
A: When he saw his parents were in a jam.

Q: Why were the lady teacher’s eyes appear crossed?
A: It was obvious that she could not control her pupils.

Q: Why is a muffin and a baseball team so similar?
A: Because they both depend on the batter.

Q: What made the soccer player to bring a string to the game?
A: So that he could tie the score.

Q: What has a back with four legs and no body?
A: Chair.

Q: What happened to the man when he saw his huge gas bill?
A: He exploded.

Q: What type of electricity do they have in Washington?
A: Direct Current or D.C

Q: What type of trees comes in pairs?
A: Pear Trees.

Q: Which day of the week is the best day to go to the beach?
A: On a Sun Day.

Q: Who won the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying hard to “ketchup.”

Q: What will happen if you eat yeast mixed with shoe polish every night?
A: Each morning you will rise and shine