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How much did the butcher charge for his venison?

How much did the butcher charge for his venison? A buck!

What do lawyers wear to court?

What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!

Sometimes late at night in bed

Sometimes late at night in bed, I wonder what life choices do I have to make to be the guy who says ‘yeah’ in the background of hip-hop songs.

How many Microsoft programmers

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

The best part about working in an office

The best part about working in an office is that if you ever forget that you got a haircut, someone will definitely point it out to you.

My resume is just a list of things

My resume is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.

One-seventh of your life

One-seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.

I work to buy a car

I work to buy a car to go to work.

I’m here for whatever you need

I’m here for whatever you need me to do from the couch.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.