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Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!

There’s never enough time to do it right

There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over.

My memory has gotten so bad

My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

I worked in the woods

I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Why do shepherds never learn to count? Because if they did they would always be falling asleep.

If every day is a gift

If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.

I got lost in your eyes.

I got lost in your eyes. But I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn’t read too much into it.

If The Weekend canceled his tour

If The Weekend canceled his tour, would it be next Weekend, the Weekend after next or three Weekends from this Saturday?

The human soul weighs 1.2lbs

The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I’ve weighed myself before and after I walk into my job.

Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?

Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.