Funny SMS - Page 26

An engineering student to his sweeper brother: I have got degree, I have got knowledge, I can sit in society. What do you have?
Sweeper: I have the job.

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says ‘To the only boy I ever loved’
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.

Always start your day with a lot of S E X
S-mile
E-energy
X-excitement
so make SEX a daily habit, & u’ll always be SMILING!

Girl: It’s 2 tight
Boy: Don’t worry,I’ll do it slowly,
Gal: Push it in,
Boy: Ah..I can’t,
Gal: It’s painful,
Boy: Forget it.
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.
.
.
We’ll buy new WEDDING RING!

Twinkle Twinkle little star,
You should know what you are,
And once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.

Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
“can kids of our age have kids?”
Teacher replied ” NO Never!!”
Boy said to girl :
“see i told you not to worry!!!!”.

Father: Your teacher says she finds it
Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!

Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.
Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, Next please
Always KISS a lady teacher,
She will say, repeat it 5 time

What is the difference between
Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message
&
Donkey deletes this message.

Choice is u’rs……..:p

Man: Officer! There’s a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don’t worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.

Whats d height of hope??
It is: sitting in d exam hall,
holding d question paper in hand
n telling Ur self
“dude,don’t worry.
Exams will get postponed!”

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born

Man at medical store:I need poison
Chemist: I can’t sell you that

Man shows his marriage certificate
.
.
.
Chemist: Oh! sorry,
I didn’t knew u had a prescription.

Last night was my fault,
my wife asked,
“what’s on the TV?”
and ….. I said, “dust!”

Ladies hostel caught Fire
It took 1 hour to bring the Fire under control
& another 3 hrs 2 bring d Firemen
under control.

What? is a difference between
a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?

A kiss is so dear,?
A car is too dear and
A monkey is U dear.

Husband: u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife: Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

Can v do romance in the evening today?
I’m in a good mood
Just a little bit of kissing and biting
reply me soon!
urs lovingly
“MOSQUITO”

If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!
But I’m only a cartoonist!

Boy: I am not rich like Sid, I don’t even have a bid car like Sid. But I really love you!
Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about Sid.

Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work, Luv makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above… So always Brush ur Teeth

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
She replied, Yes dear, I know
but I was in love and didnt notice.

Do u know whats A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl
Now reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?
Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again.

When u feel lonely and alone
& cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i’ll take u to an eye specialist !!

Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

Wife: What is 10 years with me?
Husband: A second.

Wife: What is $1000 for me?
Husband: A coin.

Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband: Wait a second

TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell “crocodile”?
JOHNY: “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHNY: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
They said,
“We want 2 disturb some good person.”
I suggest them your name.
They said,
“We cannot disturb our boss.”

Only true friends stand by u
during bad times.
I promise
I will attend ur wedding.

U r a nice person…
but..U have to do 2 things early in the morning…
1st. pray to God so that u can live….
2nd.take a bath so that others can live….

Judge: why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shooting her lover?
Man: Your honor,
it’s easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.

Teacher : Correct the sentence,
“A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”
Student : “A cow and a bull is grazing in the field”
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.

When u feel sad….
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
“damn I am really so cute”
u will overcome your sadness.
But don’t make this a habit…..
Coz liars go to hell !!!!

A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
And
Say that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
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Books And Study

Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend
“U r my Best Friend”
But
Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
“U r my Best Wife?”

Misuse of English!
A Diagram in A Book Was Not Clear
So the Teacher Drew The Diagram On Da Blackboard
&
said:
“Don’t Look At The Book Figure,Look At My Figure”:D

Fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl
on their husband’s coat from 20 meters,
but can’t see a pillar from 2 meters
while parking a car . . . 😀

READ THIS SCARY STORY IF YOU DARE.
On a rainy day,
an old man was standing with a book for sale.
A young man came to buy.
He bought the book for Rs.3000.
Old man advised
“DON’T OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK otherwise YOU’ll face problem”
Man finished the book with great fear but didn’t open the last page.
.
.
.
But,after a week,
Out of curiosity he opened the last page and..
he almost fainted to see..
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.
Retail Price: Rs 30/-

In a practical Exam
Examiner showed legs of bird n said: Tell the bird’s name
Man: I don’t know
Examiner: U r failed. Whats Ur name?
Man: You see my legs, and tell me.

Importance of thumb…

Children use it 4 chewing

Illiterate people use it 4 sign

Winners 4 victory
.
.
AND
.
.
My FANS use it 4 reading my messages
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.
.
Oh….u too…..?

Do u want to hear a dirty joke?
.
.
.
Are you sure?
.
.
.
OK, here you go…
.
.
.
A white horse fell in the mud

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!

I just feel u….
Whenever I feel u….
I just miss u …..
Whenever i miss u ….
I just wanna See u ….
Do u know why…….

It’s juts because …………

******I LOVE CARTOONS*******

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Sam: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Sam: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!

A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG,
is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE,
is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT,
is a HUSBAND.!

A recently fired
stock trader said …
“This is worse than divorce…
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife…”

Q: Do u know y in a couple’s photo
man is on d right side & woman on d left?
A: Coz as per balance sheet, Liabilities r on d
Left Side & Assets on d Right!

Tom : How should I convey the
news to my father that I’ve failed?

David: You just send a telegram:
Result declared, past year’s performance repeated.

I wrote your name on sand,
it got washed.

I wrote your name in air,
it was blown away.

I wrote your name on my heart &
i got Heart Attack.

Our friendship means a lot to me.
U cry i cry.
U laugh i laugh.
U jump out of the window
I look down & then
.
.
.
I laugh again

Man 1:
“I m Always Delighted
When People Stick Their
Noses In My
Business.”

Man 2:
“Why, What Do You Do?”

Man 1:
“i’ve A Company, Make
Tissue Papers …” ;->

What Happens When
The Elephant Sat On
The Mercedes Car … ???
.
.
.
.
Everyone Knows
“The Mercedes bends” ;->

Have a horrible day without water in ur bathroom,
while soap in ur eyes.
Oh! sorry, dis msg is not 4 u.
Its only 4 those who do not take bath everyday…

If you need advice,
text me…
If you need a friend,
call me…
If you need me,
come to me…
But
If you need money.
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THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!

Man: Doctor ! My Son has swallowed a key.
Doctor: When ?
Man: Three Months Ago
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Man: We were using duplicate key

We will now upgrade your brain,
please wait….
Searching….
searching…
still searching….
Sorry,
NO BRAIN found…!

Open with Love…
If I disturb U
I am Sorry!
But I need
To Say
I…
Love…
Disturbing you…

><(((:>
I send you this fish
as a sign of our
FRIENDSHIP please
take care of it, Keep it
in your mobile.
Daily put your mobile in water,
So that this fish won’t die.

Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except one student.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!