Sarcasm Quotes, Sarcastic Sayings - Page 3

I find it rather easy to protray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
– John Cleese

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
– Mark Twain

People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
– Russel Baker

What I lack in decorum, I make up for with an absence of tact.
– Don Williams, Jr.

You can’t find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.
– Carrie Fisher

If we are the only intelligent life in the universe, at least there’s a finite number of idiots.
– Steven Coallier

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
– Joey Adams

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
– George Bernard Shaw

Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother’s.
– Andrei Codrescu

As regards rap music, I believe that the c is silent.
– Dr. Tony Giles

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.
– Johnny Carson

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
– Clarence Darrow

An appeal is when you ask one court to show it’s contempt for another court.
– Finley Peter Dunne

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
– Frank Zappa

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.
– Erma Bombeck

A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
– Alben W. Barkley

It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.
– Caron

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.
– Quentin Crisp

Automatic simply means that you can’t repair it yourself.
– Frank Capra