Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 7

There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
– Dick Cavett

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
– Woody Allen

The family you come from isn’t as important as the family you’re going to have.
– Ring Lardner

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
– Brendan Gill

A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.
– Oscar Wilde

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
– Emo Phillips

Of all days, the day on which one has not laughed is the one most surely wasted.
– Nicolas Chamfort

Marriage is the perfection of what love aimed at, ignorant of what it sought.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are three faithful friends an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
– Benjamin Franklin

A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused.
– Shirley Maclaine

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
– Jennifer

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and the impersonators would be dead.
– Johnny Carson

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
– Penny Ward Moser

The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.
– Julia

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
– Rita Rudner

Love is a state in which a man sees things most decidedly as they are
not.
– Friedrich Nietzsche

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation… as you grow older, it will avoid you.
– Winston Churchill

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
– W. C. Fields

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.
– Robert Frost