Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 5

Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others.
– Confucius

Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.
– Helen Gurley Brown

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
– Christopher Isherwoo

My husband and I fell in love at first sight… may be I should have taken a second look.
– Anonymous

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
– General George Patton

It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it’s a depression when you lose yours.
– Harry S. Truman

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.
– Charles Schulz

It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed.
– Lenin

I like a bit of mongrel myself, whether it’s a man or a dog; they’re the best for everyday.
– George Bernard Shaw

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races.
– Homer J Simpson

Anyone who can only think of only one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
– Mark Twain

A language that doesn’t affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing.
– Alex Lu

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
– Anonymous

The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.
– Madeleine L’Engle

Life isn’t worth living unless you’re willing to take some big chances and go for broke.
– Eliot Wiggington

All you future Google Whores might want to pay attention to what I’m about to reveal.
– John Chow

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
– George Bernard Shaw

At middle age the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up like a cabbage.
– Anonymous

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.
– Lucille Ball

To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I’ve done it a thousand times.
– Mark Twain