Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 3

The problem with loving is that pets don’t last long enough and people last too long.
– Anonymous

Regarding the Boy Scouts, I’m very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook.
– George Carlin

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
– Woody Allen

All good things must come to an end, but all bad things can continue forever.
– Anonymous

I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
– Woody Allen

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
– Anonymous

If it wasn’t for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
– Anonymous

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won’t help.
– Calvin & Hobbes

Everyone has a photographic memory.Some don’t have film.
– Anonymous

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
– Erma Bombeck

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
– Oscar Wilde

They are not all friends who laugh with you.
– Proverb

I speak two languages, Body and English.
– Mae West

Never accept a drink from a urologist.
– Erma Bombeck

It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.
– Walt Disney

Death is funny in that it brings out the best and worst in people. It casts light on the truth and makes life blindingly clear.
– Allison DuBois

Life…is like a grapefruit. It’s orange and squishy , and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
– Dogulas Adams

To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring it was peace.
– Milan Kundera

Suppose the world were only one of God’s jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?
– George Bernard Shaw

Then there was a man who said, ‘I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.’
– Anonymous