Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 25

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
– Sam Levenson

He’s got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed.
– Leopold Fechtner

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
– Anonymous

No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris.
– Orville Wright

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
– Groucho Marx

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
– Mae West

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
– Joe Namath

You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
– Henny Youngman

It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.
– William Thomas

A vasectomy means never having to say you’re sorry.
– Anonymous

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.
– Charles Gaulle

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
– Erma Bombeck

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
– Maryon Pearson

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
– Henry Youngman

I just thought of something funny…your mother.
– Cheech Marin

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
– Carl Gustav Jung

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
– H. L. Mencken

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
– Peter Ustinov

Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.
– Max Eastman

Life is just one damned thing after another.
– Erbert Hubbard