Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 25

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
– Sam Levenson

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He’s got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed.
– Leopold Fechtner

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Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
– Anonymous

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No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris.
– Orville Wright

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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
– Groucho Marx

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Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
– Mae West

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
– Joe Namath

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You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
– Henny Youngman

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It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.
– William Thomas

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A vasectomy means never having to say you’re sorry.
– Anonymous

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China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.
– Charles Gaulle

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A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
– Erma Bombeck

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Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
– Maryon Pearson

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
– Henry Youngman

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I just thought of something funny…your mother.
– Cheech Marin

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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
– Carl Gustav Jung

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Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
– H. L. Mencken

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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
– Peter Ustinov

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Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.
– Max Eastman

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Life is just one damned thing after another.
– Erbert Hubbard

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