Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 24

Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
– Jerry Garcia

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
– Arthur Schopenhauer

If the minimum wasn’t acceptable it wouldn’t be called the minimum.
– George Muncaster

I’m a classic example of all humorists only funny when I’m working.
– Peter Sellers

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.
– Thomas Jefferson

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining.
– Mark Twain

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
– Buster Keaton

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
– Will Rogers

I’ve been in the Bible every day since I’ve been the president.
– George W. Bush

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
– H. L. Mencken

Govern a family as you would cook a small fish – very gently.
– Chinese Proverb

Traditionally most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.
– Keppel Enderbery

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
– Edward Abbey

Aviation is good for sport, but for the Army it is useless!
– Marshal Ferdinand Foch

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
– Lao Tsu

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
– Andy Rooney

Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife’s clothes.
– Thomas R. Dewar

Airplanes may kill you, but they ain’t likely to hurt you.
– Satchel Paige

I always like a dog so long as he isn’t spelled backward.
– G.K. Chesterton

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx