Funny Quotes and Sayings

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I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
– Robert McCloskey

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It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
– Oscar Wilde

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Housekeeping ain’t no joke.
– Louisa May Alcott

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I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
– Oscar Wilde

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I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works.
– Oscar Wilde

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I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.
– Oscar Wilde

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Life is the boring bit between the hangover and the opening time.
– Michael O’Brien

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Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
– Kin Hubbard

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Have you seen my Kung fu lately? Cause it has gotten totally awesome!
– Gerard Way

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Music played at weddings always reminds me of the music played for soldiers before they go into battle.
– Heinrich Heine

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He who laughs last laughs longest.
– Proverb

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Please, dear God, don’t let me fuck up.
– Alan B. Shepard Jr.

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Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing – but none of them serious.
– Alan Minter

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Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course…the space between your ears.
– Bobby Jones

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One time, Bert and I were making out for so long it wasn’t even funny..But then it was funny.
– Gerard Way

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Action, Ability and Awareness (in that order) the 3 keys to success.
– Joshua Estrin

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All I know is that you love me in my dreams.
– Anonymous

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Politics is just show business for ugly people.
– Jay Leno

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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
– Groucho Marx .

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I think we agree, the past is over.
– George Washington