My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
– Rodney Dangerfield
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- This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit of the loom guys laughing at me. – Rodney Dangerfield
- On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. – Rodney Dangerfield
- Life is just a bowl of pits. – Rodney Dangerfield
- When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. – Rodney Dangerfield
- One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous everyone hasn’t met me yet. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I’m so ugly My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. – Rodney Dangerfield