My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
– Rodney Dangerfield
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- A girl phoned me the other day and said… Come on over, there’s nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. – Rodney Dangerfield
- My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. – Rodney Dangerfield
- Building a little bonfire at night on the beach and lying on a blanket with my wife under the stars is not only sexy, it’s romantic. – Benjamin Bratt
- On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. – Rodney Dangerfield
- Life is just a bowl of pits. – Rodney Dangerfield
- When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. – Rodney Dangerfield
- My mother had morning sickness after I was born. – Rodney Dangerfield