I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.
– Rodney Dangerfield
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- When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me … and no one showed up. – Rodney Dangerfield
- My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. – Rodney Dangerfield
- On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. – Rodney Dangerfield
- Life is just a bowl of pits. – Rodney Dangerfield
- When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. – Rodney Dangerfield
- My mother had morning sickness after I was born. – Rodney Dangerfield
- One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous everyone hasn’t met me yet. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I’m so ugly My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet. – Rodney Dangerfield