Woody Allen - Page 2

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
– Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
– Woody Allen

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
– Woody Allen

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
– Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
– Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
– Woody Allen

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.
– Woody Allen

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
– Woody Allen

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
– Woody Allen

I’m going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I’m going to Lourdes.
– Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
– Woody Allen

I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
– Woody Allen

Some guy hit my fender and I said “be fruitful and multiply” but not in those words.
– Woody Allen

To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.
– Woody Allen

I didn’t know he was dead; I thought he was British.
– Woody Allen

My problems all started with my early education. I went to a school for mentally disturbed teachers.
– Woody Allen

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
– Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering and it’s all over much too soon.
– Woody Allen

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
– Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
– Woody Allen