Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

– Joan Rivers

Every television show you go on is a choice.

– Joan Rivers

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

– Joan Rivers

My mother loved entertaining, and I’ve followed suit, so we have big celebrations for New Year, Passover, Thanksgiving and birthdays.

– Joan Rivers

I get butterflies before I go out to say hello at a party.

– Joan Rivers

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
– Joan Rivers

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
– Joan Rivers

Looking fifty is great… if you’re sixty.
– Joan Rivers

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly — hurt, bitterness, grief, and, mostof all, fear.
– Joan Rivers

Boy George is all England needs – another queen who can’t dress.
– Joan Rivers