Dave Barry - Page 2

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
– Dave Barry

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
– Dave Barry

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings.
– Dave Barry

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
– Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
– Dave BarryDave Barry

Dog sled riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
– Dave Barry

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
– Dave Barry

After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of a book as a kind of screen saver for your brain.
– Dave Barry

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
– Dave Barry

Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
– Dave Barry

And that’s the wonderful thing about family travel: it provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind.
– Dave Barry

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
– Dave Barry

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
– Dave Barry

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
– Dave Barry

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said “CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.”
– Dave Barry

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
– Dave Barry

Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
– Dave Barry

People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of.
– Dave Barry

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
– Dave Barry

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
– Dave Barry