Ambrose Bierce - Page 4

Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
– Ambrose Bierce

Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
– Ambrose Bierce

Hope is desire and expectation rolled into one.
– Ambrose Bierce

An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. A modern school where football is taught.
– Ambrose Bierce

God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.
– Ambrose Bierce

The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
– Ambrose Bierce

Hospitality, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.
– Ambrose Bierce

POKER, A game said to be played with cards for some purpose to this lexicographer unknown.
– Ambrose Bierce

Liberty: One of Imagination’s most precious possessions.
– Ambrose Bierce

Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man,and a man to a worm.
– Ambrose Bierce

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.
– Ambrose Bierce

Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison.
– Ambrose Bierce

Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
– Ambrose Bierce

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
– Ambrose Bierce

International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smouldering one.
– Ambrose Bierce

Diplomacy, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one’s country.
– Ambrose Bierce

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
– Ambrose Bierce

Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
– Ambrose Bierce

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave driver.
– Ambrose Bierce

Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
– Ambrose Bierce