Shopping Jokes - Page 2

Unforgivable

Judi was walking by the jewelry store one day in the midtown mall. She saw a diamond bracelet that she really liked. In the store she went.

“Excuse me,” she said to the sales lady behind the counter, “Will a small deposit hold that bracelet until my husband does something unforgivable?”

Submitted by Rohit.

DownUp -1

Fight Competition

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read… Main entrance.

Submitted by Rohit.

DownUp +1

Bad Relationships

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,

“Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset I’ve lost 20 pounds.”

“Why don’t you just leave him then?” asked her friend.

“Oh! Not yet.” the first replied, “I’d like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first.”

Submitted by Rohit.

DownUp 0

No UPC

I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those “Dividers” that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the “Divider” looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me “Do you know how much this is?” and I said to her “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t think I’ll buy that today.” She said “OK” and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened…..

Submitted by vicky.

DownUp +2

A diamond is forever

A man walks into a jewelry store to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. Looking behind the glass case, he comes across an exquisite band with a handsome-sized rock in its center.

“Excuse me sir,” the gentleman says to the salesman. “How much is this ring?”

“Ah, that’s a beautiful piece,” the salesman replies. “It goes for $10,000.”

“My God!” the man exclaimed. “That’s a lot of money!”

“Yes, but a diamond is forever.”

“Perhaps,” the gentleman replied, “but my marriage won’t last that long!”

Submitted by vicky.

DownUp 0

Shoe Repair

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

“Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?” Arnold asked.

“Not very likely,” his wife said.

“It’s worth a try,” Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.

With a face just as straight, the man said, “Just a minute. I’ll have to look for these.”

He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, “Here they are!”

“No kidding?” Arnold called back. “That’s terrific! Who would have thought they’d still be here after all this time.”

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.

“They’ll be ready Thursday,” he said calmly.

Submitted by vicky.

DownUp +2