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Salesman Jokes

Church Example

A salesman for the local paper called on Riley the chemist.

“No way. I’ve been in business forty-one years and never spent a penny on advertising yet.”

“Really? Then you can tell me, what is that handsome building on the top of the hill?”

“That’s St Catherine’s church.”

“Been there long?”

“Over a hundred years.”

“They still ring the bell, don’t they?”

Submitted by ravinder.

Air Sickness

A rep was flying to a sales conference. It was his first experience in an aircraft, so he was a little nervous, but he tried not to let it show. He was very taken with the air hostess, and particularly flattered when she invited him to sit down the back with her. He asked her:

“Do many passengers get airsick?”

“Not many,” she replied. “We usually spot them in advance and give them some sweets to suck.”

“What if that doesn’t work?”

“Oh, maybe we put a blanket over them, or even give them some oxygen.”

“What if it still doesn’t work?”

“Oh, then I bring them down the back to sit with me.”

Submitted by ravinder.

All I Want Is A Beer

It was hot and dry and dusty. To make matters ten times worse there was a beer shortage. A rep walked into a bar and ordered a beer.

“Are you an RC?”

“What difference does religion make? All I want is a beer.”

“What I meant was, are you a regular customer?”

The rep admitted that he wasn’t and walked down the street to another pub. Once in the bar he said to the girl:

“I’m an RC, and I want a couple of beers.”

“I don’t care about your religion, but where are your glasses?”

“I don’t wear them.”

The girl was exasperated.

“Beer glasses, mate. Ours were all busted last night in a brawl.”

There was one pub left in the town. When he walked into the bar he spotted two glasses on the window sill. He grabbed them and took them to the bar. The barmaid looked at them.

“What are you trying to do? You’ve had your quota.”

Submitted by ravinder.

Relaxing Weekends

Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.

Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV:

“Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package.”

Submitted by Rohit.

Competition

Two salesmen were having coffee together and one was telling the other:

“We’ve got a terrific sales competition going at our place. The fellow who writes the biggest percentage over target for the quarter gets a holiday for two in the south of France with all expenses paid. The fellow who’s second highest gets a tailor-made suit with an extra pair of trousers, and the fellow who’s third gets a dozen shirts.”

The other rep looked gloomily at his coffee for a moment.

“We’re having a sales competition at our place too. The fellow that wins it keeps his job.”

Submitted by ravinder.

A Pomeranian

When Rupert was shown in to see his customer, Mr Jones was staring out the window disconsolately.

“What seems to be the trouble?”

“I promised my wife a Pomeranian and the cheapest one I can get is $200. It’s too much.”

“You’re right. I can sell you one for $125.”

“Great! When can you deliver it?”

“I’ll let you know.”

Once outside he rushed to a public telephone and rang his sales manager.

“Listen. I’ve just sold old Jonesy a Pomeranian for $125. What the hell is a Pomeranian?”

Submitted by ravinder.

A Lot Of Soap

Finnegan returned to his old home town on a visit. While he was there he looked up his old friend Hennessy, who had the general store. He noticed as he went in that the two display windows were jammed full of soap. The two old friends greeted one another. As they did so, Finnegan saw that every shelf in the store was stacked with soap.

“Gosh! You’ve certainly got a lot of soap.”

“You think so? Look at this.”

He took Finnegan through to the storeroom which was also full of soap.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much soap.”

“Come with me.”

Hennessy lifted a trapdoor and took him down some steps into a huge cellar, which was jammed with soap from the floor to the roof.

“Gee! You really must sell a lot of soap.”

“No, I don’t actually. But the fellow that sold it to me— boy, could he sell soap!”

Submitted by ravinder.

A Stranger

Moving along a dimly lighted street, a friend of ours was suddenly approached by a stranger who had slipped from the shadows nearby.

‘Please, sir,’ asked the stranger, ‘would you be so kind as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and out of work? All I have in the world is this gun.’

Submitted by ravinder.

Best To Shoot Once

Beauregard discovered his wife in the arms of her lover. Mad with rage, he shot her dead. The southern jury brought in a verdict of justifiable homicide.

Just as Beauregard was about to leave the courtroom a free man, the judge stopped him and asked, ‘Why did you shoot your wife instead of her lover?’

‘Suh’, he replied, ‘I decided it was better to shoot a woman once than a different man each week.”

Submitted by ravinder.

Australians Giving Directions

Asking for directions in the Australian outback is often a chancy business. There was the rep who asked a salesman for directions to Goombungee.

“Take this road here for about two kilometers and turn left at the hollow log. You keep going for about three more kilometers and you’ll come to Riley’s dam. Turn left again. About four kilometres down the track you’ll come to a big sign advertising sheep dip. Turn left there and keep going.”

“And that’ll get me to Goombungee, will it?” “No. It’ll get you back here. If I give you all the directions at once it’ll only confuse you.”

Submitted by ravinder.