Miscellaneous Jokes

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!

There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over.

Before I buy a leaf blower I want to make sure I understand the rules. We just blow the leaves at each other’s houses, right?

How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one of them is a match!

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.