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Husband /Wife Jokes

I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife

I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words… “Were you fired?”

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes – about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.

My doctor told me I needed to break

My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I’d start lying to my wife.

Wife sends a text message to her husband

Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning: Windows are totally frozen, will not open.

Husband replies: “Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.”

15 minutes later, the wife texts back: “Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.”

Husband And Wife

Husband: “Oh the weather is lovely today. Shall we go out for a quick jog?“

Wife: “Hahaha, I love the way you pronounce ‘Shall we go out and have a cake’!”

Husband And Wife

Wife –
“मुझे नई साड़ी चाहिये,
अम्मा जान से मँगवा दो.”

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Husband –
“गंवार, वो अम्मा जान नहीं..
Amazon है….!!

Short & Sharp

Short & Sharp:

Wife: I hate you.

Husband: What a co-incidence..

A man got a call from unknown number..

A man got a call from unknown number..
Girl: Hi, r u single?
Man: Yes, but who r u?
Ans: Your wife..
Aaj ghar aana tab bataoogi.

Another call from unknown number..
Girl: R u married?
Man: Yes, but who R u?
Girl: Your girlfriend, U cheat..
Man: Sorry baby, I thought it was my wife..
Ans: Wife hi hoon kutte, aaj tu bas ghar aaja.

UNMARRIED

Wife: Sunte Ho ji..?
Mujhe Happiness ki spelling batao!!
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Husband: Likh… UNMARRIED.

Gehri Soch Me..

Sonu, Gehri Soch Me..

Wife: Kya Soch Rahe Ho?

Sonu: Ye ZEE NEWS Walo Ko Kaise Pata Chalta Hai?

Wife: Kya?

Sonu: Yehi Ke, ‘AAP DEKH RAHE HAI ZEE NEWS’