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Funny Jokes

Maybe if we all sit extremely still

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

I start every conversation with my employees

I start every conversation with my employees by saying, “I shouldn’t be telling you this” just so I know they will listen.

How do construction workers party?

How do construction workers party? they raise the roof.

I think that if I died and went straight to hell

I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.

I hope the guy who invented

I hope the guy who invented Auto-correct burns in hello!

Chaos, panic, & disorder

Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.

If the Koreans cannot do it

If the Koreans cannot do it, they will tell you that they won do it.

I quit my job at the helium gas factory

I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice!

My memory has gotten so bad

My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

If every day is a gift

If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.