Airplane Jokes - Page 5

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in from angry wives asking, “What trip?”

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I was in a hurry this morning

Two skydivers, Harold and Lester, jumped out of the plane and were having a conversation on the way down.

Lester: “I was in a hurry this morning, and I can’t remember if I asked you to pack my chute for me.”
Harold: “I’ve been pretty forgetful myself. I’m lucky I remembered to pack mine.”

Lester: “Wait a minute. You mean I forget to ask you to pack my chute for me?”
Harold: “No, silly. You didn’t forget to ask me to pack your chute. I’m the one who actually forgot to pack your chute!”

Lester: “Phew! Thank goodness, for a minute there I thought I was losing my mind!”

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If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean

“This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

That’s me, the copilot, and one of the stewardesses. This is a recording.”

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Ladies and Gentlemen

After boarding and taking off for a long flight over the ocean, the speaker comes on with an important message for passengers.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are introducing you today to the latest and newest aviation advancement in history. This plane is flying without a pilot or co-pilot. It is controlled by way of radio from the ground. Sit back and relax and enjoy your flight. Be assured that absolutely nothing can go wrong, absolutely nothing can go wrong, absolutely nothing can go wrong, absolutely nothing can go wrong. ~~~~~~~~~~”

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Just as we were settling down

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.”

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.

Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again. “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.”

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A couple took a puddle-jumping flight with 4 stops on the way to Dallas

A couple took a puddle-jumping flight with 4 stops on the way to Dallas. At the first stop, a little white truck drove up to the plane’s wing.

Wife: “What’s that truck doing?”

Husband: “We’re taking on more fuel.”

The refueling process was repeated at the next two stops as well. At the last stop before Dallas:

Husband: “Ya know, in spite of all these delays, we’re making pretty good time.”

Wife (pointing out the window): “Maybe — but that little white truck is keeping up with us!”

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The next flight leaves at 1:00 p.m.

Unaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard Time, Bob inquired at the Indianapolis airport about a plane to Chicago.

“The next flight leaves at 1:00 p.m.,” a ticket agent said, “and arrives in Chicago at 1:01 p.m.”

“Would you repeat that, please?” Bob asked.

The agent did so and then inquired, “Do you want a reservation?”

“No,” said Bob, “But I think I’ll hang around and watch that thing take off.”

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A big thunder storm

An aircraft had been waiting on the tarmac for a big thunder storm to pass and the passengers were getting impatient . The pilot made repeated apologies for the delay but it didn’t sooth the angry travelers.

Finally the pilot buzzed the intercom and made this announcement, “Would you rather be down here wishing you were up there, or up there wishing you were down here?”

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