Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
Wife: What is 10 years with me?
Husband: A second.
Wife: What is $1000 for me?
Husband: A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband: Wait a second
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell “crocodile”?
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHNY: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
“We want 2 disturb some good person.”
I suggest them your name.
“We cannot disturb our boss.”
Only true friends stand by u
during bad times.
I will attend ur wedding.
U r a nice person…
but..U have to do 2 things early in the morning…
1st. pray to God so that u can live….
2nd.take a bath so that others can live….
Judge: why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shooting her lover?
Man: Your honor,
it’s easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.
Teacher : Correct the sentence,
“A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”
Student : “A cow and a bull is grazing in the field”
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.
When u feel sad….
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
“damn I am really so cute”
u will overcome your sadness.
But don’t make this a habit…..
Coz liars go to hell !!!!
A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
Say that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
Books And Study
Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend
“U r my Best Friend”
Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
“U r my Best Wife?”
Misuse of English!
A Diagram in A Book Was Not Clear
So the Teacher Drew The Diagram On Da Blackboard
“Don’t Look At The Book Figure,Look At My Figure”:D
Fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl
on their husband’s coat from 20 meters,
but can’t see a pillar from 2 meters
while parking a car . . .
READ THIS SCARY STORY IF YOU DARE.
On a rainy day,
an old man was standing with a book for sale.
A young man came to buy.
He bought the book for Rs.3000.
Old man advised
“DON’T OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK otherwise YOU’ll face problem”
Man finished the book with great fear but didn’t open the last page.
But,after a week,
Out of curiosity he opened the last page and..
he almost fainted to see..
Retail Price: Rs 30/-
In a practical Exam
Examiner showed legs of bird n said: Tell the bird’s name
Man: I don’t know
Examiner: U r failed. Whats Ur name?
Man: You see my legs, and tell me.
Importance of thumb…
Children use it 4 chewing
Illiterate people use it 4 sign
Winners 4 victory
My FANS use it 4 reading my messages
Do u want to hear a dirty joke?
Are you sure?
OK, here you go…
A white horse fell in the mud
Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!
I just feel u….
Whenever I feel u….
I just miss u …..
Whenever i miss u ….
I just wanna See u ….
Do u know why…….
It’s juts because …………
******I LOVE CARTOONS*******
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Sam: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Sam: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!
A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG,
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE,
A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT,
is a HUSBAND.!
A recently fired
stock trader said …
“This is worse than divorce…
I have lost everything
I still have my wife…”
Q: Do u know y in a couple’s photo
man is on d right side & woman on d left?
A: Coz as per balance sheet, Liabilities r on d
Left Side & Assets on d Right!
Tom : How should I convey the
news to my father that I’ve failed?
David: You just send a telegram:
Result declared, past year’s performance repeated.
I wrote your name on sand,
it got washed.
I wrote your name in air,
it was blown away.
I wrote your name on my heart &
i got Heart Attack.
Our friendship means a lot to me.
U cry i cry.
U laugh i laugh.
U jump out of the window
I look down & then
I laugh again
“I m Always Delighted
When People Stick Their
Noses In My
“Why, What Do You Do?”
“i’ve A Company, Make
Tissue Papers …” ;->
What Happens When
The Elephant Sat On
The Mercedes Car … ???
“The Mercedes bends” ;->
Have a horrible day without water in ur bathroom,
while soap in ur eyes.
Oh! sorry, dis msg is not 4 u.
Its only 4 those who do not take bath everyday…
If you need advice,
If you need a friend,
If you need me,
come to me…
If you need money.
THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!
Man: Doctor ! My Son has swallowed a key.
Doctor: When ?
Man: Three Months Ago
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Man: We were using duplicate key
We will now upgrade your brain,
NO BRAIN found…!
Open with Love…
If I disturb U
I am Sorry!
But I need
I send you this fish
as a sign of our
take care of it, Keep it
in your mobile.
Daily put your mobile in water,
So that this fish won’t die.
Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one student.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!
Today, tomorrow and yesterday there will be,
one heart that would always beat for you,
You know Whose??? your Own Stupid!!!
Can u pronounce good English:- read along woof,
roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, roof,
poof, woof woof, hoof, woof, roof, shoof.
Test results: U r a good dog. Now stop barking.
3 Facts in the world
1st fact – can you touch all your teeth with your tongue
2nd fact – after reading this all fools will try
3rd fact – now they will smile
System of love:
Jan – Rose
Feb – Propose
Mar – Gift
April – Lift
May – Chating
June – Dating
July – Kiss
Aug – Miss
Sept – Drop
Oct – Escape
Nov – Rest
Dec – Next
Do u know how to entertain Foolish/Stupid peoples
* PRESS DOWN *
* PRESS UP *
u r many kilometers away from me. still i m watching ur every move through 3 different channels
2. cartoon network
3. animal planet
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
3 ways to catch tiger
Newton : allow tiger to catch u & catch it
Einstein : chase until it became tired then catch.
Police: catch a cat & beat until it accepts that it is tiger
Son : Dad, are you getting taller?
Dad : No, why do you ask?
Son : Because your head is growing through your hair!
Raj : What is your baby brother name?
Raju : I don’t know he can’t talk yet
Tina : We should use soap to keep our body clean.
What should we do to keep our heart clean?
Mona: I don’t know. Probably we must eat the soap.
Ric: What sort of a car has your dad got?
Avi: I can not remember the name. I think it starts with T.
Ric: Really – Ours only starts with petrol.
Teacher: What is the meaning of a school?
Tom: A school is a place where father pays and the child plays!
Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons.
One day a pigeon reaches Banta without message.
Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Man, this was a missed call
If U want 2 protect your face from dust,sunrise & other such things, then apply
7 years guarantee!
When you get this SMS,
send it to 1 person u love,
1 u hate, 1 u always think of
and 1 u wish to kill.
Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.