Funny Quotes and Sayings
A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.
- Charles Gaulle
A vasectomy means never having to say you’re sorry.
It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.
- William Thomas
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
- Mae West
No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris.
- Orville Wright
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
He’s got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed.
- Leopold Fechtner
Airplanes may kill you, but they ain’t likely to hurt you.
- Satchel Paige
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andy Rooney
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
- Lao Tsu
Aviation is good for sport, but for the Army it is useless!
- Marshal Ferdinand Foch
When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
- Edward Abbey
Traditionally most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.
- Keppel Enderbery
Govern a family as you would cook a small fish – very gently.
- Chinese Proverb
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
- H. L. Mencken
I’ve been in the Bible every day since I’ve been the president.
- George W. Bush
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers
A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
- Buster Keaton
I am not a glutton. I am an explorer of food.
- Erma Bombeck
I’m a classic example of all humorists only funny when I’m working.
- Peter Sellers
If the minimum wasn’t acceptable it wouldn’t be called the minimum.
- George Muncaster
Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
- Jerry Garcia
The greatest love is a mother’s; then a dog’s; then a sweetheart’s.
- Polish Proverb
It’s funny to me that I have to prove to the banks that I’M honest.
- Scott Adams