The Preacher’s Donkey
+16A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, “Hallelujah!” The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, “Amen!”
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher’s instructions. “Hallelujah!” shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. “Amen!” shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. “This is great!” said the man. With a “Hallelujah,” he rode off very proud of his new purchase.
The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. “Stop,” said the man. “Halt!” he cried. The donkey just kept going. “Oh, no… Bible!….Church!…Please Stop!!” shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. “Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN.”
The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.
“HALLELUJAH!”, shouted the man.
Submitted by John.
Adopted Turtle
+14Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
Submitted by Harry.
Two Bear Hunters
+5Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You skin this one while I go and get another one!”
Submitted by Harry.
The Camel Joke
-2There’s this guy walking along a road to town with his camel. Along the way, a guy stops and ask’s if he needs a ride to town. The guy say’s, yeah. He hop’s in, the driver say’s, what about your camel. The guy said, Oh, he’s ok, he know’s his way to town. So the driver start’s driving, he get’s up to about 45 MPH, and he looks in his rearview mirror and see’s the camel right behind him. He say’s to the guy, hey buddy ya know your camel is behind us? The guy say’s, yeah it’s ok, he knows his way to town, speed up a little. The driver speed’s up to about 55 MPH, he’s driving along, and look’s behind him and again see’s the camel. And say’s to the guy, your camel is still there. The guy say’s, he’s know’s the way, speed up a little. So the driver speed’s up to 65 MPH. He drive’s for a bit, and look’s behind him, and look’s at the guy and say’s, hey buddy your camel he’s looking pretty rough. The guy say’s, oh yeah, what’s he doing. The driver say’s, well, his ear’s are folded back and his tongue is hanging out.. The guy say’s, HIS TONGUE IS HANGING OUT,, TO WHICH SIDE. The driver say’s to the left side. The guy say’s, YOU’D BETTER HOLD YOUR COURSE, HE’S FIXIN TO PASS YA..!
Submitted by Harry.
Drunk Giraffe
-1A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again. They continue all night, ordering the same drinks, drinking them and ordering another load untill suddenly the giraffe falls off his stool and lies unconscious on the floor. The man gets up of his stool and heads for the door, The barman shouts at him as he heads out the door ‘You can’t leave that lyin’ ‘ere!’ to which the man replies, ‘Its not a lion its a giraffe!
Submitted by Harry.
A Horse Walks Into A Bar
-4A horse walks into a bar, he sits down and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to it’s head, he sits down, and the bartender says, “I don’t mind the long face, but don’t u go and try to start anything!”
Submitted by Harry.
Driving with Penguins
-4A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, “Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo.”
The man replies “I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies.”
Submitted by John.
Mad Cow Disease
+9One day two cows were chatting over the fence between their two fields. The first cow said, “I’m telling you, this mad cow disease is getting pretty scary! I’ve heard it’s spreading so fast that it’s already on Farmer Rubin’s land just down the road!”
The second cow replied, “So what? It doesn’t affect us chickens!”
Submitted by John.
Going Out
+5A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out.
The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, “Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”
Submitted by John.