Science Jokes
Intelligent Life
+5It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA — they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist at NASA asked everyone to be quiet as he was receiving a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. “Mr. President,” he said with a broad smile on his face, “After twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars.”
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, “But that’s impossible… we could never do it… yes, Mr. President,” and hung up the phone.
He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. “I have some bad news,” he said, “the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars… he wants us to try to find it in the Congress.”
Submitted by zanny.
Space Monkeys
+42NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.
As the moment came closer NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!”
At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle’s engines ignited and the shuttle took off.
Two hours later NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!”
At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.
Another two hours later mission control announced, “This is mission control to the astronaut…”
At this the astronaut responded “I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don’t touch anything.”
Submitted by Ankita.
You are a Nerd If…
+19If you have more toys than your kids
If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don’t work and you rush up to the front to fix it
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
If you have memorized the program scheduled for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
Submitted by zanny.
Hydrogen Atoms
+27Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently.
One said: “Why do you look so sad?”
The other responded: “I lost an electron.”
Concerned, One asked “Are you sure?”
The other replied “I’m positive.”
Submitted by Sneha.
Get Your Own
+9One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.
The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost?”
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this? Let’s say we have a man-making contest.” To which the scientist replied, “Okay, great!”
But, God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”
The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt.”
Submitted by Damien.
Physics Professor
+8A physics professor at a state university in Michigan was famous for his animated lectures. He was short and thin with wild white hair and an excited expression. In lecture he would through himself from the
top of desks and throw frisbees to students in the back row to illustrate various principles.
One day in class he was spinning on an office chair holding weights in each hand when he lost his balance and tumbled into the first row.
He apologized to his class for going off on a tangent.
Submitted by Kristy.
A Frog Telephones The Psychic Hotline
+12Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”
Submitted by zanny.
What is 2 * 2 ?
+30Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is 2 * 2 ?”
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99″.
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces “it lies between 3.98 and 4.02″.
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: “I don’t know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!”.
Philosopher smiles: “But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?”
Logician replies: “Please define 2 * 2 more precisely.”
The sociologist: “I don’t know, but is was nice talking about it”.
Behavioral Ecologist: “A polygamous mating system”.
Medical Student : “4″
All others looking astonished : “How did you know?”
Medical Student : “I memorized it.”
Submitted by zanny.
Funny Chemical Joke
0A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
“Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .”, the sodium pined.
“It’s just a phase you’re going through”, replied the Bunsen burner.
Submitted by zanny.
Very Dangerous Mix
+1This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water.
Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium.
She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action.
‘It will give me time to get away’ said the professor.
Submitted by vicky.