Political Jokes
Biggest Mistake
+13One day George Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a ridge into a very cold river. Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.
After cleaning up he said, “Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I’ll give it to you.”
The first boy said, “Please, I’d like a ticket to Disneyland!”
“I’ll personally hand it to you,” said Mr. Bush.
“I’d like a pair of Nike Air Turbos,” the second boy said.
“I’ll buy them myself and give them to you,” said the grateful Bush.
“And I’d like a wheelchair with a stereo in it,” said the third boy.
“I’ll personally … wait a second, son, you’re not handicapped!”
“No — but I will be when my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.”
Submitted by rajat.
Out Of Control
-2At a recent interview, it seems that Bill Clinton broke out in rage after being asked a line of questions about him being controlled.
Interviewer: “Who pulls your strings, Bill? What special interests control you?”
Clinton (visibly upset): “You leave Hillary out of this!”
Submitted by rajat.
Making Happy
+2Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.”
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy”.
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, “Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, “I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.”
Submitted by rajat.
Intelligent Car Radio
+4A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.
She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word “country,” and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said “rock ‘n’ roll;” the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.
A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, “idiot!”
…The radio cut over to George Bush’s press conference.
Submitted by rajat.
A Tale Of Two Pigs
0Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps of Air Force One with two pigs under his arms.
At the bottom of the steps, the honor guardsman steps forward and remarks, “Nice pigs, Mr. President”
Clinton replies, “I’ll have to let you know that these are genuine Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary.. So, now what do you think?”
The honor guardsman answers: “Nice trade, Sir.”
Submitted by rajat.
The Puppy Trader
0Hillary Clinton was on her way somewhere when he came across a little boy selling puppies. She stops and asks the boy “What kind of puppies are they?”
The boy replies, “They’re Democratic puppies, Ma’am.” With this she smiles and walks off.
Later on that day she mentions to Bill about the boy and his puppies and suggested that it might be nice to have a puppy around the house. The next week Bill was on his way to McDonald’s and saw the boy and his puppies. He stops and asks the boy, “What kind of puppies are they?”
The boy replies, “They’re Republican puppies, Sir.”
“Republican puppies?” Bill asked. “Last week you told my wife they were Democratic puppies.”
The boy replied, “I know, Sir. But since then they opened their eyes.”
Submitted by rajat.
Ark Building
0In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States
The Lord said, “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the flooding rains for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.
“Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.”
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“No,” said the Lord. “The government beat me to it.”
Submitted by ravinder.
Exact Same Answer For Each
0This simple three question test illustrates how often Bill Clinton must be telling lies.
1. Is the Pope catholic?
2. Does Windows have bugs?
3. Does Clinton lie?
Submitted by rajat.