Police Jokes
Working in the Garden
+74A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:
“I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”
The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
“Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold.”
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
“You wouldn’t believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden.”
The prisoner wrote another letter:
“Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!”
Submitted by Rohit.
Bad Way To Start The Week
+20Officer:you are going to be hanged on Monday.
Prisoner:oh please not on Monday.
Officer:why?
Prisoner:Its such a a bad way to start the week.
Submitted by jasmeen.
Not My Parking Ticket
+8I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a damn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, howabout giving a guy a break?’ He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil necked nazi. He glared at meand started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I called him a horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he startedwriting a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t give a damn. My car was parked around the corner…
Submitted by Rohit.
Young Police Officer
+8A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner people.”
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off that corner… NOW!”
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”
Pretty good,” chuckled the vet, “especially since this is a bus stop.”
Submitted by Rohit.
Lost Far From Home
+6A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home. ” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? ” Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear. Morris whispered, ” I wasn’t lost…..I was just too tired to walk home.”
Submitted by Rohit.
Excuse For Speeding
+23A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver’s license, the driver argued, “Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back of me.”
Submitted by Rohit.
Green, Pink and Yellow
+48A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence. He pulls him out and says, “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.” The Mexican man pleads with him, “No, noooo, Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”
The border patrol agent thinks to himself, I’m going to make it hard for him, and says “OK, I’ll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence.”
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The three words are: green, pink and yellow. Now use them in one sentence.”
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, “Hmmm, OK. The phone, it went green, green, green… I pink it up, and sez yellow?”
Submitted by Rohit.
Getting Out of a Speeding Ticket
+24 Did you hear about the kid who was pulled over for speeding?
The cop got out of his car and the young man rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The guy replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Submitted by Rohit.
Slow Cop
+60A woman was driving her old beat up car on the Highway with her 7 year old son. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road, she looked at her speedometer to see she was doing 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down, she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that soon left her behind. She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, “Ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?” Her son piped up from the back seat, “I do… because you couldn’t catch the other cars!”
Submitted by Rohit.
Warning All Shoplifters
+22Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
Submitted by Rohit.