Miscellaneous Jokes
5 Things which can happen only in Bollywood Movies
+1431. At least one of the identical twins born is evil.
2. While defusing a bomb,don’t worry which wire to cut,you will always choose the right one.
3. A police can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty.
4. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up but will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wound.
5. If you decide to start dancing on street,everyone you meet will know the step.
James Bond
+49On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.
Telugu Guy: ‘Hello, May I know your name please?’
James Bond: ‘My name is Bond’ Continuing in his inimitable
Style,…… James Bond.’
Then Bond asks: ‘And you?’
Telugu Guy:
‘My name is Rao…
Siva Rao…
Samba Siva Rao…
Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao……..
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…’
Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says ‘James Bond’
Submitted by unni.
Wonderful Coffee
+36Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.
Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.
Submitted by unni.
Movie without sound
+12Friend 1: Last night i saw an English movie,it had no scenes and no sound….!!!
Friend 2 :-what is the name of the movie..????
Friend 1:-”no disc inserted”….!!!
Submitted by Narotam thakur.
Father’s Philosophy
+29A young man comes home and says “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.”
Father replies, :”O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we’ll see.”
Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. “Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I’ve been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?”
Father replies, “That’s all true, but son you didn’t cut your hair.”
Son says, “But, dad, Jesus had long hair.”
Father replies, “Yes, son, you’re perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went.”
Submitted by Rohit.
Any Gators?
+19While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist’s boat capsized. Although he could swim, his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the capsized craft. Finally spotting a beachcomber on the shore, he shouted out to him, “Hey, are there any ‘gators around here?”
“Nope,” the man yelled back. “Ain’t been any ‘gators ’round these parts for years!”
Feeling more at ease, the tourist commenced swimming leisurely towards shore.
When he was about halfway there, he shouted out to the beachcomber again, “How’d you get rid of the ‘gators?”
“Oh, we didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber yelled back. “The sharks got every last one of ‘em!”
Submitted by cris.
Short Crispy Jokes
+131 day devil came in my dream & askd me the contact no. Of an HONEST persn I gave him ur no. But he refused & said sorry i cant disturb my BOSS…..
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News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo… 1 was caught watching tv… another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt!!!
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Son, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Father: Very long!!!!!
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If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!
But I’m only a cartoonist!
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Human brain is the most
outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
and stop only when we enter the examination hall.
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Submitted by preet.
We Will Now Upgrade Ur Brain
-2We will now upgrade ur brain,please wait…..
Searching…
searching…
still searching….
sorry,NO BRAIN found…!
Upgradation not possible
Submitted by preet.
Always Keep Your Picture
-4Always keep your picture in your pocket
u know why???
whenever u face any problem just
see your picture & say 3 times
“If i can face this,i can face anything”
Submitted by preet.
Don’t Give Importance
+1Don’t give importance to money..cos it can give u
bed but not SLEEP,
books but not BRAIN,
cloth but not BEAUTY,
luxuries but not HAPPINESS,
SO
transfer it to my account
Submitted by preet.