Medical Jokes
At a Dentist’s
+20Dentist: “Would you help me out? I’d like you to give a few of your loudest screams.” Patient: “Why, Doc? It isn’t all that bad this time.” Dentist: “Well, there are about 20 people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the five o’clock Braves game on Channel 4.”
Submitted by Rickey.
Actual Answer from a Medical Student
+34While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students.
“As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.”
The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?”
“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”
Submitted by Aron.
Glass Eye
+12Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
Submitted by Fany.
Artistic Patient
+6A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
“Doctor,” says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. “Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?”
“I don’t see why not,” replies the doctor.
“That’s funny,” says the man. “I wasn’t able to play it before.”
Submitted by Rohit.
Doctor Complaining To Engineer
+37A doctor is talking to a car engineer, “Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.”
“Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn’t changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month.”
Submitted by Rohit.
Crazy Patients
+12A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room.
He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.
The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.
Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”
The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2′s face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”
Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”
Submitted by Rohit.
Would You Please Do Me A Favor
+19A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ball game.
Submitted by Rohit.
How Much Will This Cost Me?
+12Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $100.00.
Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?
Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.
Submitted by Rohit.
Ain’t She Cute
+10Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies)
“Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled…
isn’t she adorable?”
Friend: “But your kid didn’t smile.”
Father: “I was talking about the nurse.”
Submitted by Rohit.
I Want To Lose Some Weight
+8A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.
John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off
Submitted by Rohit.