Doctor Jokes
At a Dentist’s
+20
Dentist: “Would you help me out? I’d like you to give a few of your loudest screams.” Patient: “Why, Doc? It isn’t all that bad this time.” Dentist: “Well, there are about 20 people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the five o’clock Braves game on Channel 4.”
Submitted by Rickey.
Pneumonia
+19A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help.On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good.On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.”But doc,” protested the patient, “if I do that, I’ll get pneumonia.”"I know,” said his physician. “I can cure pneumonia.”
Submitted by Albert.
Too Late
+10The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn’t considered the drive across town.
At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”
The other driver leaned out of his window. “I hate to tell you, man,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”
Submitted by zanny.
In Safe Hands
+32Patient: Doctor I heard 10 percent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die.
Doctor: Don’t worry man, those 10 percent patients operated by me are already dead. Now it’s the turn of the 90 percent survivors.
Submitted by unni.
Dentist’s Thinking
+17Patient: “It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.”
Dentist: “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”
Submitted by unni.
Doctor’s Promise
+28“Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only.”
Submitted by unni.
Terrible Situation & Amazing Solution !!
+12The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, “Yes? ”
“Mrs. Ward, please.”
“Speaking”
“Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your Doctor sent your husband’s samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband’s. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible.”
“What do you mean?” Mrs. Ward asks.
“Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer’s disease (related to memory) and the other for AIDS. We can’t tell which your husband’s is”
“That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?” questions Mrs. Ward.
“Normally, Yes. But Medicare won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”
“The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.”
Submitted by unni.
Banana Peel
+88what is wrong with you?the doctor asked to the banana.
the banana said:doctor I’m not peeling so well.
Submitted by Sheela Montinegro .
Whats Up?
+22Patient: I m really not feeling well doctor?
Doctor: What happened?
Patient: when i close my eyes i could not see anything…
Doctor: Oh!
Patient: when i take a bath, i become wet…
Doctor: OMG…
Patient: Do something doc! please! i dun wanna die too soon, i m just 20!
Doctor: I m 70 and suffering from the same problems, dun worry u have a lot of time! 
Submitted by Brainy.
Would You Please Do Me A Favor
+17A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ball game.
Submitted by Rohit.