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Two days ago

Two days ago, my friend Peter ran off with my wife.”

“Oh no, how long have you been friends?”

“Since two days ago.”

How come the barber won the race?

How come the barber won the race?

The cheater took a short cut.

The local minister sees that every morning

The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:

God sees everything.

The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.

Paul to Jane

Paul to Jane: Would you like to be my girlfriend?

Jane: That’s a bit direct. Can’t you come up with something more beautiful?

Paul: I tried, but they didn’t want.

Hello doctor, can you look at my laptop?

Hello doctor, can you look at my laptop?

Why?

It looks like it caught a virus.

In a boutique

In a boutique:

Could I try the dress in the shop window, please?

I’m sorry madam but no. We have cabins for that.

Why do the French eat snails?

Why do the French eat snails?

Because they cannot stand fast food.

Man to his wife

Man to his wife: “Do you know what our 6 year old son wants to be once he’s big?”

Wife: “No.”

Man: “A garbage man. And you know why?”

Wife: “No, why?”

Man: “Because he thinks they only work on Tuesdays.”

Little Jonny

“Little Jonny, why did you put your teddy in the freezer?”

“I would like to have a polar bear.”

Fetch the ball back

What if dogs fetch the ball back only because they think you really like throwing it?