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#1
28th January 2011, 05:02 AM
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pakiyan imartan
please read it n rate thanks
tusi ho imartan pakiyan, koi na fikar tuhanu main kulli bani khakhan di, hawa de bulliyan tu dardi ha tusi waday ho, udd de uchiyan hawawan ch main madi zameen chadan tu vi dardi ha 
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#2
28th January 2011, 06:07 AM
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good going....well written...
just one suggestion....watch the pattern of ur rhyme...that is most important whn u write sumthn like this.....baaki feeling bilkul kaimm!!!
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...*...kithe baike chette kariye, jediyan pyar diyaan si gallan... tenu kihna main chaya si, tu v mere pyar ch kinna kamla... hun tereto durr haan, te teriyan yaadan da akkhanch basera... ek tu hi meri jind-jaan, meriyan saahan te haq bas tera!!!...*... ---PrOuD_DeSaN---
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#4
28th January 2011, 07:09 AM
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sure..basically u write down all rhyme words and thn u try to fir them in..
 theek aa?
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...*...kithe baike chette kariye, jediyan pyar diyaan si gallan... tenu kihna main chaya si, tu v mere pyar ch kinna kamla... hun tereto durr haan, te teriyan yaadan da akkhanch basera... ek tu hi meri jind-jaan, meriyan saahan te haq bas tera!!!...*... ---PrOuD_DeSaN---
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